I wasn’t in crisis. I was stuck in a pattern.
I’m Matt. I spent over twenty years in London’s gay scene, sixteen of them working in hospitality. I’m now 4+ years sober, and I coach gay men who are where I was: doing fine on paper, and tired of the loop.
20+ years in London’s gay social scene
16 years working in hospitality
4+ years sober
Accredited Sober Club coach
The world I knew
Soho weekends. East London warehouse parties. First dates that started with drinks and ended at 3am. Pride weekends that ran into Monday, and then Mondays became part of it too. Happy hour after work, wine midweek to take the edge off, birthdays in bars, networking in clubs.
None of it felt extreme. It was just normal.
Working in hospitality, I learned alcohol from the inside: how it’s sold, how it’s marketed, how it shapes the way people behave. Being a strong drinker was almost a badge of honour. When I moved into professional work, the drinking came with me. Client dinners, team nights out, bonding over a bottle.
I knew how to hold it together. I knew how to function the next morning. And I knew how to justify it.
“From the outside I was stable and successful. But alcohol had become the backbone of my social life, and a quiet regulator of stress, confidence and connection.”
Stopping meant starting again
When I stopped drinking, I wasn’t just breaking a habit. I had to take apart a social identity built around alcohol and relearn the basics.
- Dating sober
- Networking sober
- Celebrating sober
- Handling stress without a drink
It wasn’t dramatic. It was deliberate. And it’s the same work I now do with the men I coach.
Why gay men in midlife
So much of gay social life still runs on alcohol. How we date, how we celebrate, how we find each other. Most recovery spaces weren’t built with that in mind.
I work with men aged 35 to 60 who function well, are respected in their world, and know drinking is shaping more of their life than they want. You won’t have to explain the scene to me before we can talk about it.
How I coach
- No labels. You don’t need to call yourself an alcoholic or take on a recovery identity.
- No shame, no preaching. No 12-step language and no spiritual framing. Just honest conversations.
- Structure. Clear goals and practical tools you can use on a Friday night, not just in a session.
- High accountability. Check-ins between sessions, and I’ll be direct with you when it matters.
What I’m not
I’m a coach, not a therapist, counsellor or doctor. I don’t diagnose, treat dependency or work through trauma. If you need that kind of support, I’ll help you find it.
In an emergency, call 999. For urgent advice, contact NHS 111 or your GP.
Sober Club Accredited Coach
I trained with The Sober Club and hold its certificate of accreditation as a sober coach.
Want to talk it through?
Book a free 20-minute call. Tell me where you are and we’ll see whether coaching is the right fit. No pressure either way.